Every Word Of This Special April 1st Edition Is True

Wednesday April 1, 2015

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Community Development Field Announces It Will Change Name for "Affordable Housing" Every Two Months
Squashing stigma before it starts, community development leaders declared that rather than waiting until the association with poor people causes backlash against their terms, as happened with "low-income housing," "subsidized housing," and "affordable housing," they were going to just "change it up" every couple months. "By the time the public realizes they supported something that benefited people who weren't middle class [or rich], we'll have moved on to a new term," said a spokeswoman for the field. Rush Limbaugh, not realizing his mic was still on, lamented, "How the f*** am I ever gonna keep up now?"

Astounding New Report Finds Poverty Is Bad for You
Confounding politicians everywhere who thought it was obvious that poverty was an unparalleled motivator to innovation and productivity, a longitudinal, triple-blind meta-analysis reveals that lack of sufficient resources to meet your basic needs on a consistent basis really sucks and has all kinds of bad outcomes. Related studies find that people who are homeless in the winter in Northern climates get really cold...

Right-Wing Ideologues Studied Poverty, and They Want In!
New report from Heritage Foundation and Manhattan Institute finds that poverty builds moral character. In response, Congress decided to tax themselves into poverty for the good of their constituents. In a related report, the Congressional Budget Office calculates that the added tax revenue will reduce the national debt to zero in two years and provide surpluses "as far as the eye can see."

Speaker Proposes Shifting DOD funds to HUD
Today, Speaker of the House John Boehner, announced he would introduce legislation that would largely defund the Department of Defense and redirect the funds to the Department of Housing and Urban Development. When asked what caused him to propose this change in policy, he said, "Well, I was just lying there in the tanning booth and it came to me, 'what if I'm wrong?" Mr. Boehner hurriedly reviewed the DOD inventory and found "we just have more than enough of those damn intercontinental ballistic missiles for my taste." 

Conference Presenter Reads Dense, Illegible Power Point 
Word for Word. 
You'll Never Believe What Happened Next!
Actually, you might. But we're not sure. We fell asleep.

Sherpa Joins NHI/Shelterforce

Sherpa joins us as Chief Canine Officer from a successful career greeting guests at the door and sitting patiently through meetings. She's already begun her duties as CCO by protecting the office from FedEx delivery people. Sherpa is an expert at extended napping and is a three-time gold medalist in the under-10-pound office wind sprint competition. 
Sherpa entertains important questions at Sherpa@nhi.org
To see all the faces of our office dog, click here.

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Photos by Flickr users Tony Fischer, drmvm1, umjanedoan, Ex-Smith, and Valerie Yermal

In This Issue

Shelterforce Weekly 
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Harold Simon

Lisa Monetti
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Sara Steele Lau
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Miriam Axel-Lute

Keli Tianga
Associate Editor